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How to love a kid that's constantly growling

Expert Maria Dyachkova tells what you can do with your own anger

Apatites, every mother at some points of their contact with the child, and of almost any age, question it.
This article inspired a number of appeals of our readers, therefore I will summarize the General thoughts on this topic. That you are suitable for implementation in their own life — take it!

The first and perhaps most importantly. At the heart of this question lies the conviction that to get angry and growl at a child is something wrong, even unacceptable. And like to love him, to avoid angry feelings in a relationship with him.

But let's ask a different angle at which anger ceases to be so "terrible" emotion.

With colleagues we often speak to their customers that people show their anger only to those who you trust. Only those who are able to withstand and accept. Others who are not capable, we regret, control, excessive care. Anything not to be angry openly!

In this scenario, a child who exhibit anger, is a communication on eye level with the interviewee. This is not a small, weak and ward kid. It's an adult personality that is able to withstand the tireless energy of its parent.
Of course, I am not talking about all the ways of expressing it. We are talking about the cries of parents, the sharp, sometimes excessive, communication with the child without softening and explanation. But certainly not about his physical expression or insult. This is material for another article. In this scenario, the adult remains an adult only nominally, failing to cope with their feelings, demands from the child's proficiency in the other, which he cannot provide.

Как полюбить ребенка, на которого постоянно рычишь

Find the correct outlet for your anger and the child will be spokoinee:

You want to know how to generate something other than anger and irritation to the child? This is the second important point. A parent struggling with your anger, why it increases and occupies the entire space. The dynamics of any feeling, with which we find it difficult to cope. The more we run from the shadows, the faster it catches up. It's time to exhale and allow myself any feelings, as their "shelf life" — a few minutes, provided that their owner with his feelings not fighting.

And finally, the third important point. The family, like a vacuum, abhors a vacuum and imbalances. When in a family someone has a policy of compromise, the other takes the role of a rebel and a provocateur. There is a chance that the child becomes difficult and unmanageable, behaving cockily, looking at how his parents become flustered there, where you have to defend yourself. And to help this is only possible by the extension of the personal responsibility and charisma. Begin to Express anger, and under it is necessary to understand the power, strength, charisma, in the direction of your projects, tasks. Sometimes just the address of the husband or wife, sometimes for building boundaries with relatives or at work. And then the miracles will not be forthcoming. Children become calmer, removing the burden of the family imbalance.

Maria Dyachkova, a psychologist, family therapist and host of the personal growth training Training center Marik Khazin


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