Anna Bliss, a coach, leading groups author of several books on psychology counselling psychologist with 15 years of experience in practical work, in collaboration with Vadim and Holodtsova gives the answer to this and other important issues
Family life is not always smooth and rosy as could be desired. Sometimes people break up and suffer from this situation their common child. Therefore, in the case of divorce, parents should make every effort to make the kid survived the event as painless as possible.
How to tell your child about the divorce?
The first thing parents must do for a child, having made the decision to divorce, to inform him about it. The conversation needs to hold together, at the same time try to save toddler from the sight of your quarrels, scandals and accusations. We should speak the truth, build the conversation in the following way: "my dad and I had difficulties in communication, it's difficult for us to be together. Therefore, it is best for us to live in different houses, to avoid quarrels. But it will not change anything for you. We both love you very much and will never stop loving you".
Main thing for you is to make sure that the child thought that parents are breaking up because of him. This awareness can injure mental state of the baby. In addition, you need to make it so that your dearest little man understood that he will spend time with mom and dad, no one was left, and on the contrary, everything is done to ensure that he grew up and lived in the world.
Having made the decision to divorce, to inform, rabennutte: Pixabay.com/ru
The main experiences of children
Misconception of parents is that for children of divorce is absolutely painless and they don't have a problem. It is not, it is impossible to forget and to ignore children's experiences. Here are the main ones:
Fear never see the other parent.
The fear that if parents no longer love each other, you'll stop loving him.
The sense of betrayal. This experience manifests itself with excessive aggressiveness.
A sense of guilt. Often children decide that the divorce was solely because of them.
It is best to show your child that you and daddy are friends, even if it's not, takoto: Pixabay.com/ru
What can parents do to help?
Remember the basic rule: you can't shrug off issues of a son or daughter, even in that case, if you have already answered them repeatedly. If a child is to provide all the information and convince him that his guilt is not here, life is not changed, and he still love his parents, it will be easier.
If the child does not asks any questions, do not assume that it is good. On the contrary! This is a very dangerous call, it is necessary to bring to the conversation and try to explain that nothing terrible happens. The child should not remain alone with their experiences and their grown-up questions that he still cannot give an answer. Don't know how to start a conversation? Try to read specialized literature. Best book in this issue is the publication of "If the parents split up", by D. M. Molinos.
It will be nice if you can share the duties of care, reencontro: Pixabay.com/ru
Try to surround the child with love and care. Gently talk to him and assure that he will always love, no matter what. In any case, you cannot configure the child against the other parent. It is best to show your child that you and daddy are friends, even if it is not.
Be sure to decide among themselves where and with whom the child will live, don't make him choose. He already very difficult. It will be nice if you can share responsibilities for child care. For example, you drive him to school, and a former partner — on training.
Remember, if you behave properly, it will affect the nervous condition of the child. He gets tics, stuttering, regression, depression, or aggressiveness. If this condition is prolonged, it will require the intervention of a specialist-psychologist, so it's best not to bring up a critical point.Subscribe to our channel in Yandex.Zen