Expert WomanHit.ru Maria Dyachkova — destructive pattern of family life
Not once in this column we discuss family secrets, family unconscious and the fetters that affect us within the family, most of which we are not even aware. However, through dreams and Mature reflection we can with these secrets in contact, moreover, we intuitively know about them. For example, the reason we don't ask several questions to your family, do not say out loud things near relatives, gradually expecting that it may incur the wrath, the condemnation, the accusations. In addition, we are aware of the contents of these secrets, which each family clan in bulk. For someone painful the main theme is money, for someone — children, someone hides betrayal and the novels on the side, someone in the secret regrets her choice of companion. We perceive these secrets on their shoulders. Sometimes sleep is almost the only way to learn how secrets affect us. Here is a recent example of the dream of a young woman:
"I'm on the phone and walk around a large store. He has a huge vertical Windows-Windows, I don't go in order to continue the conversation on the phone. Inside my parents with my kids choose something. Suddenly I see how a terrorist in a mask walks into a store and takes everyone hostage. I hang up, run inside and say: "You do not want children, give them back!" He agrees, and lets go of my children, I pick them up and go, and my parents are being held hostage".
The dream of our snovideni clearly shows that her children dependent on her parents. When a terrorist who seizes them, one in a dream doesn't struggle or run away. It is important to say that snovidenij we talked about her dream. She interpreted it thus: "My parents for me for unknown reasons, save my marriage more than 30 years. All my childhood they were negotiating that they do nothing together, but they kept the relationship for the sake of the children, causing the sea of pain themselves and each other mutual deception, novels and claims". In other words, in the dream, navideca sees how her children are in captivity with the children. However, their real children have grown up, for them to unite is not necessary, but can be combined for the grandchildren, although they do not have to be the glue to their secrets and broken relationships. Our navideca made an important progress for themselves and their children in this dream: hostage of the strained relations she took their children, leaving the parents themselves to resolve their difficulties and crises. Children and grandchildren should not be an excuse for any Union, though it is a very common model of the family — to live for children. Hiding behind the fact that children should not be deprived of one parent, often, the spouses continue to live together, knowing that to actually be there must not. Thus are for children by the example of miserable married life, deception, contempt, disgust and all kinds of "sewage" in the relationship of parents. Often these children grow up with a family model that completely destroyed their own desire to become partners for someone, and especially — parents. The more innuendo, veiled mutual evil in such families, the more children feel the catch, less appeal to parents for support and do not share this idea of how to live together for their sake. The burden of their guilt and responsibility for the organization of parents so severe that it actually interferes with the normal development of their personality. On this subject you can write a ton of pages and spend not one study. Now at this stop. I will only add that when his wife left "for the kids" together, there is a substitution of concepts. Upon divorce or separation children do not lose parents, get divorced spouses. The task of parents is to make sure that they were personally happy, not even together, but at the same time that the parental role and communication with the children was not injured. Unfortunately, few manage to build the correct relationships for this. And our navidia managed to free themselves and their children from the feelings of hostages in relations with grandparents. And it's perfect!
Maria Dyachkova, a psychologist, family therapist and host of the personal growth training Training center Marik Khazinfamily, expert opinion, interpretation of dreams