Expert WomanHit.ru the psychoanalyst Alexander Gibinski about what's wrong with the strong competition and jealousy among couples
The main marker of unhealthy relationships — if you're not cool. A feeling of discomfort, the desire to re-partner, not a passing feeling of guilt and the expectation of change suggests that something goes wrong.
If you feel that you had competition, things are bad. You already don't support each other, and struggling to prove their superiority. This game can be implicit. On the one hand, the partner encourages you to develop, with the other devalues all of your accomplishments. Seems like a vicious circle. He is struggling with male and female: the female part of the individual passionately wants you to show the quality of the getter, for example, bought a house, while the male part can't let that happen. So, you went to school, worked hard and finally buy it. Only now it turns out that to live in it your partner, as these things discreditied him as a man.
Strong unfounded jealousy is not an indication of great love and speaks about the emotional illness. Of course, if you caught him red-handed (or he you), the scandal is a natural extension of the staging. But if the jealous man does not need reason, and it comes up out of the blue, it is worth considering what the internal objects he fights in his head and why puts himself in a losing position. To be jealous is possible not only to potential competitors of the opposite sex, but also to friends, to parents and even to children, that is, to any object of your attention. The jealous partner seeks to control your movements and minimize your interaction with the outside world — there is rampant Oedipus complex, which took place long before meeting you.
It seems that you have nothing to talk about. It's not that nothing happens, and certainly not that you have not read any books. Just there emotional tension between you. Most likely, there is a particularly urgent issue that occupies your thoughts, and talk about the trends in the global economy are simply irrelevant. Or you just can't talk to your partner all that comes to mind, as that it would not come, will be criticized or will be declared uninteresting. But you are hesitant to discuss it, preferring to remain in the "better a bad peace than a good quarrel" even if your world has been quite so anorexic.
Another sign of illness in the couple — the impossibility of dialogue between you. It is not about your indecision and fear of losing the partner. You openly declare the problem and even propose solutions, but be sent to friends or to a psychiatrist. The most innocuous rejection of dialogue may sound like "I like", which translated, unfortunately, means "to Sneeze I wanted on something that does not suit you."
He convinces you in the wrong understanding of the situation, and your reactions called inadequate. Do not rush to write himself into the crazy, it's the good old "gaslighting" — a kind of psychological violence, manipulation, which received its name from the same movie "Gas light." Partner systematically makes you feel stupid, helpless and emotionally unstable, although to meet him you were sure of the opposite. Thus, it gains control of you. Total control the right arm in connection with a basic distrust of the mother figure. These people are extremely vulnerable and are protected by the attack. But this is not your problem. Even if you want to dedicate your life against someone else's psychopathology, keep in mind that there have been suicidal.jealousy, opinion, relationship men and women