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Divorce: how to make the right choice

Expert Maria Dyachkova — on a crossroads, on which are couples whose marriage is crumbling

Aktualnye the theme of modern times — divorce. All plans and sense of divorce ceases to be such a rare event: the economic, the social roles and rights of men and women are almost the same, and therefore, everything is easier and so, and others stop family and marital obligations, if each other can not agree, or it is disorder with which the family does not know how to cope.

Some time ago the divorce was something shameful, wrong, cruel act towards children, for example, or to a woman who was on maternity leave and lost his job. Couples who have decided to separate, increasingly ask: would you really be together? How to do it, while retaining the love and respect? How to educate kids if we split up? What will my life after family?

Below is an example of a dream of snovideni that at this juncture.
"Julie (a mutual friend of the family) is pregnant. Seeing her for my husband. She came to my house and taking a bath. I'm looking for some of his things in bags, while she takes a shower, ask him: "are You sleeping with her going? To engage in sex?“ He thinks to himself and says, "Yes." I say, "And nothing that she's pregnant?" "She needs the abortion to make later," he says. I wonder. Suddenly in a long corridor, where I continue to look for things, suddenly appears my friend Nastya. About Julia but she doesn't know. And I don't know how to say even. Awkward. She goes into the room, and in that moment, Julia comes out of the bathroom. Castrandom in an old blue coat, which is more like a sheet. She has bright red cheeks like a beetroot spread. I understand that she's a strange girl. Half-baked. I greet her and she tells me that her mom says hi to me and praying for me. I ask again, what is her mother prays for me all of a sudden? She says: "in Order to reconcile the two sides". Like me with my son and Julia with my husband. This means that like as they had an affair for some time, knows this, her mother, and they're going to be together. Suddenly I have such a wave of anger rolls! I stand and think what to do. She's in my house. Slightly shibanuty. My husband is going to sleep with her. She's pregnant. Not from him. Going to have an abortion. My friend unexpectedly came to visit. I want to break up with him. They have a while novel. Stand there and drown in different senses, and not doing anything, just looking and breathing. See. Decide not to wind it if I spit on the hand and not throw from the house? Or be happy that he made his personal life. Seems to be just as I wanted. In this pause, excited and heart was pounding, I woke up."

Bedtime was just thinking about what the hardest thing not to do, and just live the crisis. It is difficult for me. Make the decision not to make any decisions. It means to come face to face with his impotence. Not knowing what to do, what I want, where I'm going. I have this metaphor: I'm standing at the crossroads and decide where I go.
The dream, incidentally, was accompanied by a review of snovideni that in reality no such event occurs. Yet, they check for the ability to divorce, without involving it's lovers, mistresses, and other third parties.

Speaking of triangles, including love. In the dream, she draws a lot of similar shapes: a husband-she-child, husband-she's pregnant mistress. Husband-she is the mother of his mistress, a husband-she-man, she-girlfriend-husband's mistress. And you can continue. Family therapy is the fact that as soon as in a couple undergoing a crisis, the pair unconsciously looking for a "backup" — some third party. Even in geometry, this law works — using 3 points we can always draw a plane, and it is something sustainable.
In family relations, the pair begins to attract itself to help the "rescuer". In most cases, it's a love triangle. The third party is endowed with a false power, illusion of control situation, as the pair hopes are pinned on her. For example, a man looking for what's missing in his wife. Conversely, the lover becomes a solace amid the drudgery of her husband.

However, a couple's Union, emerged before the appearance of the third, seeking on whom we could rely to withstand the gales. When it settles, the third party would not be necessary. Since we are in the dream of snovideni is the mistress of her husband, perhaps her dream shows unconscious search for solutions for her marriage. It is also possible that such an outlet in real life would give a sense of relief that now she can go. Likely, the initiator of the breakup is she so hurt and just leave their spouse it is not solved, and comforting yourself with a fantasy that he broke up with her to meet with a woman interested in him.

In any case, important and informed review of snovideni: sleep demonstrates her internal conflict: plurality of votes "for" and "against" in her soul. The difficulty in this is: listen to all of them is impossible, and when you try to choose one or the other, opposing voices will ring very loudly. Probably when you don't know what to do, it is best to do nothing. Only to observe, ask for support, if necessary. And to trust yourself in the process of experiencing hardship and adversity. Good luck to knowidea.

I wonder what you dream about? Examples of your dreams send mail: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. By the way, dreams are much easier to explain if the letter to the editor you write prior life circumstances, but most importantly the feelings and thoughts in the moment of awakening from this dream.

Maria Dyachkova, a psychologist, family therapist and host of the personal growth training Training center Marik Khazin

divorce, expert, dream interpretation

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