Expert WomanHit.ru — psiholog Ksenia Kasparova — about what to do if relationship becomes painful and bring suffering
Often girls and women want to find your soul mate, get married, giving their heart and hand of the beloved, they want to give him responsibility for his life and freedom,
You seemed to begin to live his own life and the life of a boyfriend or husband. Rather, you have the illusion that now that you've found a partner, your life was finally complete. Itself you feel "whole" just next to "him".
His life is important and interesting, and his own as though not so valuable and even a minor. His opinion is always right, and even if you do not agree in the soul, offended and angry, to say it is impossible. His mood and condition you catch at the time, it flows in you like your pair is communicating vessels. God forbid, he will be unhappy or angry. You immediately becomes very scary and you feel bad and guilty.
In such a relationship partner is seen in the role of omnipotent figures that can bring happiness by their presence or a kind word, but also easy can happiness, to deny, to cast into melancholy, when it disappears or gets angry.
You expect from a partner of the same need baby, just come to this world. Love, warmth, acceptance, that he was right and fulfilled your desires, you have devoted your time and energy. Some part inside of you never grew up. She is hungry to love and is in need of care. Perhaps you feel ready to give the same infinite love to the partner, themselves becoming his mother. Only you and he, and no you don't need anymore.
But sooner or later you find that not get from a loved one that is waiting. You little of his attention, of his words, time spent together, you allow him to mistreat yourself and think this attitude is deserved, because it is you pissed him off. Situated in the soul of pain and hurt, disappointment and anger. There is a lot of misunderstanding and rejection. But your young people will not be able to heal these wounds, no matter how much you wanted, as they appeared in your mind long ago and are the reason that you entered into such a relationship.
Sometimes, the relationship becomes so painful and unfulfilling that they want to escape. But loneliness frightens even more than the pain beside your partner. If you find yourself on a heavily swaying the swing. You in bliss with your beloved, forgiving and forgetting all offences, numb with one in his presence. You feel rejected and unwanted, angry and hate him, yourself and the whole world, literally sick from boredom and despair. And ready everything to pay again to get a new "dose" of love that will shoot and drown out the excruciating pain.
Withdrawal from any addiction, including love, is difficult. Very important is your determination and desire to change the scenario of the relationship that you use in your life. As well as the desire to change your inner script.
It is important to recognize that there is a problem love addiction. You can not imagine life without this person and can't leave him, even despite the fact that the relationship is strong you are not satisfied. With this need to do something, she will not resolve the problem, but only worsen.
It is important to raise their self-esteem. You might need professional help. But you need to accept and appreciate the fact that you are a good and valuable simply because came into this world. You are no worse and no better than other people. You are valued for their uniqueness and by the fact of its existence, as each person. In order to feel happy and fulfilling you don't want another man, you need to get to know yourself better.
It is important to develop the skill to identify and defend its borders, to say "no" if you do not want, or something that seems unacceptable. Often out of fear of being rejected and abandoned, the girl decided not to even say that magic word "no", thus allowing them to stomp and trample your feelings. If this feels deeply unhappy and misunderstood.
It is important to be in touch with their feelings. Learn to listen to what is happening to you. Not to what is happening with your partner and what he wants, and to their feelings, sensations and States. You are an individual, you have your own desires, feelings and thoughts. They signal to you about what you need or that bad for you. If you learn to recognize these signals, you will be able to feel better and happy and full. You'll be less need to seek support elsewhere.relationship, love, addiction