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Whether to be friends with their exes

Expert WomanHit — psychoanalyst Alexander Rybinski, Professional member of the International Psychoanalytic Society believes that communication with an "ex" is akin to sadomasochism

Probably every ever offered or received an offer after breaking up to remain friends. If such a friendship? Of course, history knows cases. Much more interesting to answer the questions: who needs it, and what stays on?

A strong relationship between the ex — sadomasochism. Let's say you have gone yourself, and then, of course, there were reasons, but somehow not ready to let go of his ex for good. During your relationship you have already managed to assign, to enjoy his power, and just a pity to lose useful in the economy of man: he the car repaired, and contacts are always useful to share. That is, you don't want to be with him, but do not want to (really) that someone was with him, so it's nice to be important woman in someone's life and to keep the situation under control. Well, not sadism?

If in your case all the way around, and you're ready, "though the carcass, though the Scarecrow", only to have his attitude, then we can talk about a strong dependence on your part, due to separation anxiety. The roots of this phenomenon must be sought in the deep childhood. In this case ex-boyfriend on an unconscious level is perceived as a mother, the loss of which threatens the very fact of your existence, so the separation and causes fear.

Also, maintaining a friendship with you, the former can serve your homoerotic fantasies. This is very similar to the format of "sex vayf", when the spouse is happy to give wife to the other partner and observe what is happening between them. The main attention is awarded will be a "third wheel", the woman in this design is the intermediary. However, the triangle can be heterosexual: the former will constantly compare ourselves with the current, to fight for your attention, play and feel castrated again and again, again, reenacting childhood traumas.

The former may see you as mother. If he shares the sorrows and joys, looking for emotional support and needs regular communication to confirm the relationship with you as a constant object, congratulations: you have a grown son. How to refuse the meeting if the little bad? But if your "motherhood" included only the suffering of the former, listen to his sadistic overtones. It is possible that to play the role of mother's guilt: you dumped him and now he is suffering. Just remember that the basis of guilt lies in your aggression, and it was formed not on an empty place.

You can also be a narcissistic extension. However, as it is for you. This means that one former partner strengthens the self-esteem at the expense of another, feeling his involvement in it. If one of you is successful and has national recognition, the other can initiate communication, and love to tell everyone about your wonderful relationship.

For a narcissistic personality to take you back may be a matter of principle. Former partner was hurt by the breakup and wants revenge. Friendship in this case might be a way to resume relations and to restore the status quo.

If you belong to the same community — learn in one group, in favor of a team or as a fellow, meet at professional events, we will need to build diplomatic relations. If the tomatoes finally faded, there are no problems between you should not arise, because the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. But if you continue to experience emotions in relation to the former partner and communication, it is desirable to stop at least for a while.

But there's a reason you just have if not friends, maintain a friendly relationship with your ex — your children. Quarrel parents are severely affecting them, and how much you're mad at each other, the position requires you to interact and to do it tactfully.

friendship, breakup, expert, relationship men and women
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