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Mistress, mother-in-law or friends: who is really destroying families

Expert the psychoanalyst Alexander Rybinski, Professional member of the International Psychoanalytic Society — about the myths that we ourselves create

It just so happened that the phrase "destroy the family" is always associated with the participation of third parties. the Main breaker is considered, of course, mistress. Say, came to this "beautiful and bold" and stole someone else's husband. Man in this context, autonomy is not, and is mentioned only as a dumb property, completely devoid of needs and desires. I will begin immediately with the main goal: to steal sheep from the fold or even money from the account, but every adult makes the decision. Sometimes it may seem that the husband of such a rope — ladies string it, and it was like nothing and no decision be taken. Only the no action and there is a solution. Perhaps the man is afraid to do wrong, torn between desire and guilt. Or simply enjoys his demand. In any case, to create a love triangle it was not forced.

Next on the list of evil geniuses — mother-in-law and mother-in-law. A huge amount of jokes piled on them by accident. Really funny to hear threats: "I will Not accept! Divorced!" As if a man unconsciously chooses a wife based on the image of the mother. Then, as they say, as you sow, so shall you reap. Most likely, the son unknowingly chose the same little annoying is stronger than their flaws in the other person. Or deliberately chose the complete opposite, which may cause a claim: "Not our man!" The complaints of the sons-in-law and daughters-in-law often you can hear hints of fatalism: "Just stuck, but we live it!" Even better is the phrase: "where am I supposed go?!" Answer: re-read "the Storm" Ostrovsky and take a cue from the barbarians. Family destroy not the parents or husbands or wives, and the inability to build boundaries in relationships with them. And certainly leave the foreign territory. The sooner the better. Rent an apartment or a room in a hostel, sign up pioneers to Mars or stokers at Aurora — any option would mean freedom. That's just the responsibility for the relationship with your husband will become your personal.

Friends also referred to as destroyers. It happens that comrades need our help, but if some poor guy a whole year living in the house of a married couple, look who it is profitable. Of course, life is much broader than family relationships, and each of you can drink coffee or play soccer apart from the other. But if I do any movie night, it is worth considering, do you not bored alone? If friends for some reason set husband against wife, and it is configured, the problem is not in the friends. Rather, they see his mood and just want to support. If the husband's opinion doesn't coincide with opinion of friends, nothing will prevent him to close this topic once and for all.

Someone sees the danger even in children. Some spouses, despite the desire someday to become parents, can't decide to change the composition of the family. Someone sees the child's potential rival, and someone who is an inexhaustible source highly exaggerated restrictions. Some couples do break up, but not because of the child directly, but because of the reactions of the psyche of the parents, the catalyst for which he acts involuntarily. Another classic concern: "I need to be with the child?" Even if there were someone who needed the woman continues to feel guilty. If this is your option, immediately stop the Blues. Children — not a free app for you, and your joy and your pride. If the cell companies bursting at the seams due to clashes son and new husband, pay attention to the processes of the child, your family in the first place.

In spite of the large temptation to find an external guilty, upon closer examination it becomes clear that the main danger for the family are those who created it. To destroy the family may be war, natural disaster or epidemic of an unknown disease, in other cases, the choice is yours.

family, mother, mistress, separation, friends, mother in law, expert opinion

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